Brothers
by ilovecastiel18
Summary: After the events of "Moriah," Cas is inconsolable. He locks himself in his room as soon as they get back to the bunker from the graveyard and refuses to come out. Dean refuses to let him grieve by himself. Cas's POV. One-Shot. Rated K .


**Disclaimer:** Supernatural, its plotlines, and its characters are all property of the CW and the show's writers. I probably wouldn't be worth only $7 and a bottle of pop if I was actually involved with the show, so it's really not worth the effort to sue me, even if I would love to actually meet Misha Collins.

**Summary: **After the events of "Moriah," Cas is inconsolable. He locks himself in his room as soon as they get back to the bunker from the graveyard and refuses to come out. Dean refuses to let him grieve by himself. Cas's POV. One-Shot. Rated K+.

….

Brothers

….

Cas couldn't breathe. He knew that, strictly speaking, he didn't need to, but he felt like he was suffocating under the weight of Jack's death. He curled himself up against the headboard of his bed, hugging his knees to his chest and crying silently into his arms. All he could think about was Jack's screams of pain as his grace burned it's way out of his body.

A small sob escaped Cas as he tried to think about happy memories with Jack. The angel would have done anything to protect Jack from what happened. He would have laid down his life in an instant to protect the boy.

His thoughts turned suddenly to Dean. The eldest Winchester had said that Cas would be dead to him if it turned out that Jack had killed Mary. Cas wasn't sure if Dean was going to make good on that promise. He should have told the hunters as soon as he even considered the possibility that Jack had lost his soul. He kept making these mistakes over and over, thinking he could fix things by himself instead of trusting the only people that had even been there when he needed them.

Sam and Dean were his family, and yet he still kept failing them again and again.

Cas shakily ran his hands through his hair and down his face, hoping to calm down at least a little bit. But he just couldn't stop thinking about Jack's last agonizing moments…

Cas buried his head in his arms again, praying that the Winchesters couldn't hear him. That wish didn't come true, however, because as soon as another sob escaped the angel, there was a knock at his door.

"Cas, open up." Dean called from the other side.

Cas didn't move, didn't speak, just silenced his crying and hoped that the hunter would go away.

"Cas, please. I need to talk to you." Dean's voice sounded gruffer than usual, making Cas think that he was holding back tears of his own. He still stayed silent.

"I'm begging you, man. I've gotta talk to you. Please." Dean knocked lightly on the door again.

Sighing, Cas unfolded himself from his headboard and wiped furiously at his face, slowly making his way to the door.

When Cas opened the door, he could tell he looked like he'd been crying, because there was a concerned look on Dean's face.

"Cas…"

"I'm fine, Dean. What do you want?" Cas cut him off.

Dean stepped around the angel and into the bedroom, making Cas let out a long, exasperated sigh. Cas closed the door behind Dean and turned just in time to see Dean come at him with his arms outstretched, engulfing the shorter man in a big hug.

"I'm so sorry, Cas. For everything. I should have been a better friend to you." Dean whispered into the angel's hair.

Cas felt tears welling in his eyes as he hugged Dean back.

"And I'm so sorry about Jack. I know his much he meant to you." Dean squeezed Cas tighter and the angel lost it. He buried his face in Dean's shoulder, trying to stifle his sobs, but it wasn't working very well. He hated crying in front of anyone, especially the Winchesters.

Dean rubbed Cas's back lightly. "It's okay, Cas. I'm here."

A full-blown sob escaped Cas when Dean said that, and there was nothing he could do to stop the tidal wave of emotions from flowing out of him. He wept into Dean's shoulder until he had no more tears to shed. The whole time, Dean simply held onto Cas's shaking form, only letting a few tears fall from his eyes when his friend needed him so desperately.

When Cas's tears subsided, he pulled away from Dean, embarrassed by his lack of restraint.

"I'm sorry about…that." Cas idly waved his hand in Dean's direction, keeping his eyes glued to the floor and backing away from the hunter toward his bed.

"It's not a problem, Cas. I know you needed it." Dean replied, following the angel.

"Still…"

"Cas, I heard you crying before I even stepped up to your door to knock. If I didn't want to be here for you, I wouldn't have knocked in the first place." Dean paused, trying to decide if he wanted to say what he was thinking. He did. "I'll always be here for you, Cas. Never be afraid to show you emotions in front of me."

"Dean…" Cas sat down on the edge of his bed, rubbing at the dried tear tracks on his face.

"I mean it." Dean sat next to the angel and patted his knee.

Cas sighed. "Thank you."

"And I still haven't said what I originally came here to say." Dean turned his body so he was facing Cas, trying to get the angel to face him.

"Dean…you've already been nice enough to me. You don't have to say anything else. I know…" Cas meant to say that he knew that Dean cared about him, but he couldn't seem to get the words out. Not after what Michael said and not after Dean said he would be dead to him if Jack had killed Mary.

"I want to…I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said about you being dead to me if Jack killed my mom. I…it was the heat of the moment. I was angry and upset and worried about my mom. I shouldn't have taken that out on you." Dean stated.

"Dean…"

"Please, Cas. Please just listen." Dean pleaded. Cas turned so he was facing the hunter and gave him a short nod.

"I also want to say that what Michael said is absolutely not true. I'm not just stringing you along because I feel bad for you." Dean saw a disbelieving look on Cas's face, making him push forward.

"Do you really think I would have stuck around this long if I simply felt bad for you, Cas? After everything we've been through, there's no way that you could just be a burden to me. Or to Sam. If that were the case, we would have dumped you a long time ago. The fact is that we're family, we're brothers. If I lost you…" Dean paused. "Sam and I don't have many people left. We have Jody, Donna, Bobby, a few other hunters…and you, Cas. You're all we have left.

"So, I'm sorry for everything I've said and done that has made you feel like you're not a part of our family, but you are." Dean finished his speech and sat silently while Cas processed it.

"Dean, there's something you should know…" Cas muttered. Dean looked down and noticed that the angel's hands were shaking slightly.

"What is it?"

"When…when I went up to heaven to pull Jack back into his body, the Empty had invaded. He was looking for Jack, he thought that Jack was his property because he was half angel. The only way I could stop the Empty from taking Jack was…I made a deal. I offered to go in Jack's place. The Empty took my deal but amended it…he said that he was going to take me, but not right away. He said that he would wait, hope that I would forget about the conversation. He said that he would wait until I finally gave myself permission to be happy, then he would take me." Cas ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, I didn't want you and Sam to worry about me."

"Cas…" Dean rubbed his face. "I wish you would have told us. Do you think there's anyway to break the deal?"

"I don't know. The entity that controls the Empty has the same level of power as God and Amara. I'm sure only one of those two could kill him, and at this point I doubt that Chuck is feeling very welcoming to us." Cas replied truthfully.

"We'll figure it out, Cas, we always do." Dean patted the angel on the shoulder and stood from the bed. "I should…"

"Are you alright, Dean?"

"No, Cas. I'm not. I can't…I can't lose anyone else. I can't lose you, not again." Dean scrubbed at his face and walked toward the door. "We'll find a way to fix this, Cas. I won't lose anyone else. I won't lose another brother." And with that, Dean quietly slipped out into the hallway, closing the door behind him.

Cas watched him go, feeling simultaneously better and worse. He felt better after Dean held him while he cried, despite how embarrassed he was about the whole ordeal. However, he felt bad for adding more stress to the Winchesters' lives when they already had to deal with the deaths of their mother and their "son," and a rogue God. Cas left his room and walked down the hallway toward Dean's, noticing that the door was shut. He knocked lightly.

"Who is it?" Dean called from the other side.

"It's me, Dean."

"Cas?" Dean opened the door.

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay. You were there for me." Cas said.

Dean smiled. "Thank you, Cas. I'm fine. If I need you, I promise I'll let you know." Dean made to close the door, but Cas stuck his foot in the way so he couldn't. He pushed into the room like Dean had done to him.

"Cas…"

And Cas hugged Dean. Hard. Just as the hunter had done to him. Dean hugged him back after a slight hesitation, bending his head forward so it was resting on Cas's shoulder. He didn't cry like Cas had, but he knew he needed this.

After a few moments, Dean pulled back, placing a hand on Cas's shoulder.

"Thank you."

"You said you'd always be there for me, Dean. And I want to make sure that you know the same is true for me. You and your brother are the only family I have left."

Dean patted Cas on the shoulder. "I know. I'm glad you're part of our family, Cas. I really am."

"So am I." Cas backed toward the door. "Let me know if you need anything, Dean. Seriously. You've been through a lot…"

"So have you." Dean countered.

"I know. We all need to be here for each other, we shouldn't have to grieve alone. So, if you need anything, let me know. Let Sam know. You don't have to be strong all the time. You deserve to be able to let your guard down and have someone be there for you."

"Same to you, Cas. I know you were trying to hide your pain about Jack from us. You don't need to. You're our family, we'll always be there for you."

"Thank you, Dean." Cas backed out of the room and shut the door, glad that he had found a family who cared for him as much as the Winchesters do.


End file.
